I need my life..

Yesterday, I did something stupid, hurt Najihah's forehead (she bumped onto the aircond window) and lost my DH's RM100 for broken aircond window. That's not all, I might hurt my eldest feelings and courage for being outspoken. It was supposed to be a busy day with tons of things to do, but instead I spent few hours on the net trying to figure out how can I get those parcels here safely. I was procrastinating! I picked up the kids early just in time to cook dinner and hope that I can do some work at night. Unexpectedly, the moment they saw Honey Stars, they started quarelling, and yelling to each other. I wished I did not step on the brake but I did. It was a horrible evening! Then my DH brought me back to my senses, "You are getting angrier everyday! What's wrong with you?'' He took the children out for an hour. Enough time for me to stop and look back for the past few weeks what has happened to me. Stress, stress and more stress.

 

I was stressed to the max when preparing for all those tender papers (five of them, with one for the Board for the last 4 months), stressed when I have to finish up the technical papers for Sweden, burnt out from monthly site work (although it was good to be away for few days from the kids, but it was tiring!) and constant pressure of keeping up with my study and services I need to monitor. I haven't been really spoken to my girl friends, other than thru FB. I don't have time to speak even with my DH at home (housework, keeping up with energetic kids, too tired to talk etc). Do I need a councillor? Not sure. He or she may not be perfect but I am not that type that open up easily for strangers. I don't like my job, maybe? I am not sure that either. People look at me as if I am very hardworking and smart. I am because what I am doing is simple things, not that challenging anymore. I don't like meeting people, but I like to do things my own way. I like to write things, I do no provoke but I believe in fair share. I put things in perspective but whenever I lost mine, my world are upside down. I need to slow down, but I could not do in fear of competition. I may end up quitting my job when I have one million in my bank account. I am in anger, my DH is right. So, I looked up Google for Anger Management course. And also, how to manage my child better. I felt that I have been neglecting my parenting skills ever since I left the States. My readings only revolve around career and more career.

 

Anger management and kids management. Ok, sound good. Will write about these two issues later on. I should have my goals in place for the next couple of months. Work is important, but I need my life back.

 

Side note: I am glad I have someone close to shut me up and have my senses work again. Love you.