Pejam celik dah hujung tahun dah nih. Tahun ni memang mencabar utk seluruh keluarga aku. From the beginning of the year till the end. Not a good year for me, I think. The family feud went on with my parents’ secret unveiled and my mom went into depression together with my late dad failing health. Then, followed by death of family members (my late aunt and my uncle from dad’s side and lastly my late dad) about 3 months apart from each other. My dad passed away in Ramadhan and this is the 1st year that we celebrated Raya without him. DH lost his job at the uni and luckily, we survived the crisis with my side business income for nearly 3 months. He got a new job as HoU for a Government Agency at the city center but his traveling routine took my liberty of working late. We have spent less days with the in laws at Kemaman this year, not sure why but I believe it was due to limited leaves for DH when he started working at the new company. The kids enrolled into a nice Islamic Montessori school with reasonable fees. They can write, read, color and draw on their own better than last year. DH and I were struggling to finish up our Masters with late night study and writings. Work-wise was quite impressive although some of the things were in just by luck. For example, the company picked me as the one of the best researchers, and into the Talent Pool. DH maintained as OUM part-time lecturer and after we advertised his expertise in SPSS and EViews analysis online, more work coming in for him. Alhamdulillah. I closed my long-term project successfully ahead of time and secured another project before the year end. I went to Bakun Dam for work and outstation increases this year compared to last. My house still the same without new improvement and the lawn is still an empty greenish carpet with few planters on the rocks. We had a nice breakaway in February to Penang, but that was the only one this year.
This is a bittersweet year for me and my family. We gained something and lost something along the way. The biggest challenge was to swallow the whole truth about our relationship in my family. Many things we have taken for granted and we have learnt the lesson in a hard way. When I reflect those memories, I knew I am not a kind-hearted person but I am learning to be one. As another year has passed, I vowed to enjoy the life fully as though I will leave tomorrow and never come back. Praise to Allah, who has given all the beautiful gifts, joys and sorrows throughout this year, of which He knew we can endure. May the year ahead bring joy and happiness for every one of us. Amiin.
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Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Showing posts with label family. Show all posts
Thursday, December 31, 2009
Monday, December 21, 2009
A phone call..
It is amazing how technology helps you stay close to your family with just a phone call. I have been dreading to call my mom for couple of weeks considering that we cannot visit her during the long holidays – the weather is bad, nabilah has to attend classes, DH’s exam in Kemaman. The latest news DH’s dinner with SDARA Alumni on Saturday night!
Anyway, I have spoken to my mom and she’s fine. Alhamdulillah. But she’s not over with my late dad’s second wife actions – this time the lady took half of my late dad’s pension money. So mak cuma dapat separuh because that woman claimed another half (and she already got a whole lot of pension money from her late 1st husband, a grocery shop, lands etc – she IS a wicked woman after all). My family story has become like a drama plot. Adakah ini akibat daripada selalu tengok drama Melayu yg penuh sandiwara itu? Entah ler.. and my mom decided there will be no 100-day kenduri arwah because she felt that the other ‘wicked’ wife should throw a 100-day feast for stolen the pension money. So, after the land titles are settled, we will only have ‘thanksgiving’ feast for the whole village. Btw, the aunts and uncles from my late dad’s side have not shown their faces at my mom’s house since the funeral day. Do I still call them my family? I doubt it now.
This Saturday will be my Mom’s 62nd birthday – gonna buy her some books to read to pass the time at home, and MPH is having a 20% sale at Alamanda Courtyard. Or should I buy her a magazine subscription instead? After all, she likes to stay at home and work in her garden.
Have a blast Tuesday!
Monday, September 28, 2009
It's my birthday..
I asked my niece to snap our picture while dining at Secret Recipe, Nilai. Well, it was not for my birthday celebration but we ate lots of cakes, brownie and mee curry. I guess this can be considered as a birthday celebration for me. Hehe. Although I am missing my late father and my mom absence, life must goes on.
When I looked at this photo, I noticed a small boy picture in the background. It is a sign, insyaallah, maybe our wish will come true. It is just a matter of time. Amiin.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
My dad passed away...
Today is the first working day after Raya celebration. I have not written that much for the past weeks. Many events happened and Ramadhan was over in a blink of an eye. The last entry was on 17th August 2009, ten days before my late father’s birthday. I put on hold my writing about him until today. He passed away on 9th September 2009 at 2:30 am in Sultanah Fatimah Specialist Hospital, Muar.
I was lucky to meet him, while he still can talk, 12 days before the first stroke. My dad looked frail that time but as usual he seldom talks to us unless there is important thing to talk about. I did not call him on his birthday (Thursday 27th Aug) as I am already ‘kelam-kabut’ with my eldest daughter’s fever. I called on Friday but he was sleeping that time. DH and I decided to spend Merdeka leave in KL because the fund was running low. On Saturday 29th Aug, DH brought us to berbuka at SIL in Gombak. My mom called after berbuka and told me my dad could not move since Zohor prayer. We rushed back to Muar and arrived at Hospital about 1 am. Dad was already warded. His right side was paralyzed and he could not talk anymore.
Relatives came the next morning to visit and he was already depressed of not being able to talk at all. I was lucky that DH agreed to break fast in hospital ward with mom until Monday night. We went back to Nilai and was hoping that dad will get better soon. The doctor discharged my dad on Thursday night and he went back home. I was relieved and only depended on my sister and BIL who are staying in Muar. We decided to stay in Nilai during Nuzul Quran weekend leave.
I was told later on that my aunt has arranged for stroke masseuse but the fees were too much. RM300 per one hour session just because the masseuse has to travel to our home in Bukit Gambir and my uncle has to drive from Ayer Keroh to Jementah (return) to pick up and return the masseuse. My mom was furious that the fees were exorbitant but dad shown no response at all. On Tuesday 8th Sept, mom called while I was in Warta and asked us to come home quickly as dad was completely in coma from morning. I grabbed As-Syifa water from a shop, returned home to pack, drove with my kids and arrived home at 4pm. My siblings were already there and I saw dad was in bad condition. I sensed that ‘something’ else is holding him and I wiped him with As-Syifa water.
I tried asking GP to come and check my dad condition but no one was interested to come. Mom was adamant not to bring dad to hospital because she was afraid that he will be warded again and she did not want to stay at hospital anymore. In her opinion, if dad is going to die, let him die at home. But I was afraid, that not anyone at home is a doctor and how on earth we can know that dad is dead? At last, after Iftar, Along managed to convince mom to send dad to hospital again. I called ambulance and when they checked dad has very low blood pressure that he collapsed into coma. After 2 hours in Emergency room, the doctor informed us that he got lung infection, no brain hemorrhage and second stroke return attacked his left side. If he regained conscious, he can only blink his eye. He opened his eye eventually, and I felt he understood what I was saying that time.
At this point, I tried to be positive that my dad is strong and he will live. I stayed with mom and my SIL until 1 am, and decided to bring my kids back home to sleep. DH was on his way to hospital when I left. At 2 am, SIL called and told us that dad was gone. I was stunned, and I did not cry. It was all so sudden, that he was gone just like that. I did not sleep that night, waited for DH and my mom to come home while reciting Yaassin as much as I can.
On funeral day, my eldest woke up early but not her sister. She slept throughout the ordeal, unexpectedly. My late father was clad in white cloth and prayer was done in our home. It was a sad day for us. That was the first time I saw Along cried while hugging dad after years ago he cried when our late dad stroke his back with his black belt. I cried throughout the prayer and I did not go along to the cemetery. It was so sad.
But the saddest part was yet to come. On his funeral day, we were told that he had another wife four years ago. He married her just before I went to USA. That woman came to pay her last respect in a black jubah. Everyone else is wearing white or light colored baju kurung. She was a witch that is all I can say. My mom was devastated. It was too much to chew on the funeral day so I hear it on deft ears. My late father siblings looked happy that my dad is dead, and he left us with a second family. It was unbearable that your own aunts and uncles clapping hands on their brother’s funeral. My late father left a will to a friend and this so-called friend will only let us know what is inside the will after 40 days are over. Allah knows best.
At some point, I was shame at what my late father did to my mom. I do not know whether he was tricked by that woman – who said they got married in Perak with one human witness and one ‘Orang Bunian’ witness, or he was willing to sacrifice his marriage of 40 years to be with his first love because he hated mom so much. Is it religiously legal marriage? My late dad died poor, he left us nothing but problems. My mom worried so much about a small land that my late dad owned that she cursed all of us of being ignorant of her. I do not want that land. Let others have it because I do not know whether my late dad really love us while he is still alive.
This Raya is just the same like other Raya. As far as I could remember, my late father seldom talks to us. After retirement, he spent most of his time working at that women shop, and doing his own stuffs. He never wanted to come over to our place and very busy working as motivator. It was too late for me to ask why he did that. All I can do now is pray for him, hope that Allah will put him in the best place possible.
Today is the 20th day that my late father was taken away from us. I feel indifferent, he already away from us years ago. After 40 days are over, then we will know the truth that he has hidden from us all these years.
I was lucky to meet him, while he still can talk, 12 days before the first stroke. My dad looked frail that time but as usual he seldom talks to us unless there is important thing to talk about. I did not call him on his birthday (Thursday 27th Aug) as I am already ‘kelam-kabut’ with my eldest daughter’s fever. I called on Friday but he was sleeping that time. DH and I decided to spend Merdeka leave in KL because the fund was running low. On Saturday 29th Aug, DH brought us to berbuka at SIL in Gombak. My mom called after berbuka and told me my dad could not move since Zohor prayer. We rushed back to Muar and arrived at Hospital about 1 am. Dad was already warded. His right side was paralyzed and he could not talk anymore.
Relatives came the next morning to visit and he was already depressed of not being able to talk at all. I was lucky that DH agreed to break fast in hospital ward with mom until Monday night. We went back to Nilai and was hoping that dad will get better soon. The doctor discharged my dad on Thursday night and he went back home. I was relieved and only depended on my sister and BIL who are staying in Muar. We decided to stay in Nilai during Nuzul Quran weekend leave.
I was told later on that my aunt has arranged for stroke masseuse but the fees were too much. RM300 per one hour session just because the masseuse has to travel to our home in Bukit Gambir and my uncle has to drive from Ayer Keroh to Jementah (return) to pick up and return the masseuse. My mom was furious that the fees were exorbitant but dad shown no response at all. On Tuesday 8th Sept, mom called while I was in Warta and asked us to come home quickly as dad was completely in coma from morning. I grabbed As-Syifa water from a shop, returned home to pack, drove with my kids and arrived home at 4pm. My siblings were already there and I saw dad was in bad condition. I sensed that ‘something’ else is holding him and I wiped him with As-Syifa water.
I tried asking GP to come and check my dad condition but no one was interested to come. Mom was adamant not to bring dad to hospital because she was afraid that he will be warded again and she did not want to stay at hospital anymore. In her opinion, if dad is going to die, let him die at home. But I was afraid, that not anyone at home is a doctor and how on earth we can know that dad is dead? At last, after Iftar, Along managed to convince mom to send dad to hospital again. I called ambulance and when they checked dad has very low blood pressure that he collapsed into coma. After 2 hours in Emergency room, the doctor informed us that he got lung infection, no brain hemorrhage and second stroke return attacked his left side. If he regained conscious, he can only blink his eye. He opened his eye eventually, and I felt he understood what I was saying that time.
At this point, I tried to be positive that my dad is strong and he will live. I stayed with mom and my SIL until 1 am, and decided to bring my kids back home to sleep. DH was on his way to hospital when I left. At 2 am, SIL called and told us that dad was gone. I was stunned, and I did not cry. It was all so sudden, that he was gone just like that. I did not sleep that night, waited for DH and my mom to come home while reciting Yaassin as much as I can.
On funeral day, my eldest woke up early but not her sister. She slept throughout the ordeal, unexpectedly. My late father was clad in white cloth and prayer was done in our home. It was a sad day for us. That was the first time I saw Along cried while hugging dad after years ago he cried when our late dad stroke his back with his black belt. I cried throughout the prayer and I did not go along to the cemetery. It was so sad.
But the saddest part was yet to come. On his funeral day, we were told that he had another wife four years ago. He married her just before I went to USA. That woman came to pay her last respect in a black jubah. Everyone else is wearing white or light colored baju kurung. She was a witch that is all I can say. My mom was devastated. It was too much to chew on the funeral day so I hear it on deft ears. My late father siblings looked happy that my dad is dead, and he left us with a second family. It was unbearable that your own aunts and uncles clapping hands on their brother’s funeral. My late father left a will to a friend and this so-called friend will only let us know what is inside the will after 40 days are over. Allah knows best.
At some point, I was shame at what my late father did to my mom. I do not know whether he was tricked by that woman – who said they got married in Perak with one human witness and one ‘Orang Bunian’ witness, or he was willing to sacrifice his marriage of 40 years to be with his first love because he hated mom so much. Is it religiously legal marriage? My late dad died poor, he left us nothing but problems. My mom worried so much about a small land that my late dad owned that she cursed all of us of being ignorant of her. I do not want that land. Let others have it because I do not know whether my late dad really love us while he is still alive.
This Raya is just the same like other Raya. As far as I could remember, my late father seldom talks to us. After retirement, he spent most of his time working at that women shop, and doing his own stuffs. He never wanted to come over to our place and very busy working as motivator. It was too late for me to ask why he did that. All I can do now is pray for him, hope that Allah will put him in the best place possible.
Today is the 20th day that my late father was taken away from us. I feel indifferent, he already away from us years ago. After 40 days are over, then we will know the truth that he has hidden from us all these years.
Monday, August 20, 2007
Something to think about..
Sometimes I was too involve in something that makes me forget I have several people deserve attention more than anyone in my circle of life. They are my children, my parents and most of all, my beloved husband. I won't tell much about what's going on with him, but deep in my heart I know that he is just being himself. He was brought up in a fairly good environment, with trains of siblings and just enough for everyone kind-of-life. I hate to admit that he was the one I truly envied throughout my journey in seeking further education and research. Sometimes I do think that I deserve a better partner but to think about separating is way beyond my will. I was tired after a week of sleepless nights and complaints from main customers but that does not make me
deserve to be treated more than him at home. He has issues to deal with, especially with his bosses and so do I.
After reading an article of something like " you can avoid separation and get closer to each other'', I know we are still in good condition. We can play with our children happily, still breathing after few heated arguments, sharing anger and frustrations over un-deserved human beings in the office and so on. Having different line of expertise (he's a planner with money in mind, I am a planner with machine in mind), made me think that we complement each other more than we should. There are times that I hope I can seek advice from him for my 'broken' machine at the office but I know that if I get it from him directly, there will be no sense of accomplishment in my work. Being me, who has always been so-called spoon fed up till my secondary school. Well, not directly but most of the time. So, the 'nice guy' will have to in stored somewhere else, or will be used only for imagination or to be one thing that I look for to get
rid of my Monday morning blues. My most inspired person will still be my husband and my children. Full stop.
deserve to be treated more than him at home. He has issues to deal with, especially with his bosses and so do I.
After reading an article of something like " you can avoid separation and get closer to each other'', I know we are still in good condition. We can play with our children happily, still breathing after few heated arguments, sharing anger and frustrations over un-deserved human beings in the office and so on. Having different line of expertise (he's a planner with money in mind, I am a planner with machine in mind), made me think that we complement each other more than we should. There are times that I hope I can seek advice from him for my 'broken' machine at the office but I know that if I get it from him directly, there will be no sense of accomplishment in my work. Being me, who has always been so-called spoon fed up till my secondary school. Well, not directly but most of the time. So, the 'nice guy' will have to in stored somewhere else, or will be used only for imagination or to be one thing that I look for to get
rid of my Monday morning blues. My most inspired person will still be my husband and my children. Full stop.
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