Deep from the heart..

It has been a very long week for me. Being big and heavier doesn’t help me either. At 30^th week, I do felt some difficulties doing house chores especially taking my eldest for her bath. And yet, some people still see me as being healthy as normal. It was a compliment though, but not now. When what I need most is some help and understanding what I’ve been through now, it seems that no one is there for me.

I’ve been in and out of office for several extended days last few weeks. At the same time, trying to accommodate people whom I love their needs and attentions. I was exhausted and almost fell sick. Honestly, I don’t get much in return except false perception and misunderstood by what I’ve done. Sometimes I think I better shut my mouth and keep myself in silent mode, to avoid any arguments. At times, I felt neglected and felt sorry for the unborn baby that she too, has to feel what I feel now.

I remembered reading an email saying that a married woman should keep in touch with her ladies friends, because she will need them more than before she was married. I have no doubt in it. I keep list, but work and family has consumed my time for any social life. My circle of close friends is rather small. Brought up as the youngest with two siblings who were six and seven years older than me, I was raised being independent and rather individualistic. Five years in all girls’ boarding school did not help me either. I became more competitive in my own way. During college and univ time, I was surprised that I can actually face the humiliations and frustrations being sent home after couple of years abroad. My three years hardwork and perseverance were paid off with first class degree; I’ve done my parents proud and myself, satisfaction. Maybe that is why I feel more comfortable taking care my eldest alone, rather than having a stranger helping me at home.

For me, it is rather difficult to justify what I really need and want from people I am close to. It is more difficult if that person just could not understand your action and take things for granted. I hate being there but that’s part of life. I have to live with it.

Schedule...

I came back from Kuantan last night, exhausted.. after 4 days travelling to JB and Kuantan plus working at sites, my level of energy has dropped down to almost half. It was interesting to meet new people esp those experienced maintenance team or 'geng' who have been working years for TNB.

Nevertheless, one thing about this company that I don't really like is the HR people. Given full authority and flexibility by the management, they tend to arrange their program as they fancied. It is us, that has to reschedule meetings, planned programs etc to suit their needs. Their notice only came at the eleventh hour. Very unreasonable people, isn't it? And it was more difficult when my scheduled program effect other people from other dept who have given commitment to attend and support.

I have to leave Nabilah with my mom for another week. Or at least another 4-days. Will bring her back to KL on Friday, go to Family Day on Saturday and send my mom back on Sunday. Without my husband at home, it is a bit difficult for me to move around but, everything is possible.

Sidenote: We are definitely going in August. My hubby got the approval last Monday. I was very excited to write 'the letter' but have to wait for other documents to come in first. Lambat nyer.. hehehehe..