Role play..

I was down with flu yesterday and could not do anything in the office. Went to see doctor and got MC for a day. Slept through the day until evening, when I woke up to my husband 'flying pan actions' in the kitchen. It seems that most of the days, especially during week days, my husband is the chef. Mainly because I have to put Nabilah down to sleep by 7.30 and she will only totally asleep by 8 p.m. By the time I finished my bath and Maghrib prayer it's already half past 8. Dinner will be ready by then if he cooks, and usually does. If I have to cook, it won't be until 9 that we can have our dinner.

When I first pregnant with Nabilah, my husband let me do anything I want. Usually I do everything, from cooking, loading and unloading the washing machine, sweeping the floor etc.. but i do felt relief that this time, he helps a lot with housechores esp cooking.. but still I have to cleansweep the kitchen and do laundry. Not that tiring though, considering cooking heat and standing too long in front of the stove made my legs ache more. Surely will miss him when he has to return to work, considering that I have more time to rest when he is around to play with Nabilah and to cook dinner. Maybe house-husband kind of thing is not bad at all.

It's only few weeks more to go before I go for maternity leave. As usual, my eldest behaves naughtier each day as she explores more things around her. She is now into flashcard thing, with block books of ABC and 123.. but yesterday, she did not even disturb my evening sleep when her father told her that mummy is not feeling very well. As soon as I wake up she came running to me and called 'mak' and smile. Unforgettable moment in my life as a mother.

Sidenote: We will balik kampung this week to send few items bought for the newborn. The room will be full of furnitures and surely Nabilah will be excited to try the playpen...

Deep from the heart..

It has been a very long week for me. Being big and heavier doesn’t help me either. At 30^th week, I do felt some difficulties doing house chores especially taking my eldest for her bath. And yet, some people still see me as being healthy as normal. It was a compliment though, but not now. When what I need most is some help and understanding what I’ve been through now, it seems that no one is there for me.

I’ve been in and out of office for several extended days last few weeks. At the same time, trying to accommodate people whom I love their needs and attentions. I was exhausted and almost fell sick. Honestly, I don’t get much in return except false perception and misunderstood by what I’ve done. Sometimes I think I better shut my mouth and keep myself in silent mode, to avoid any arguments. At times, I felt neglected and felt sorry for the unborn baby that she too, has to feel what I feel now.

I remembered reading an email saying that a married woman should keep in touch with her ladies friends, because she will need them more than before she was married. I have no doubt in it. I keep list, but work and family has consumed my time for any social life. My circle of close friends is rather small. Brought up as the youngest with two siblings who were six and seven years older than me, I was raised being independent and rather individualistic. Five years in all girls’ boarding school did not help me either. I became more competitive in my own way. During college and univ time, I was surprised that I can actually face the humiliations and frustrations being sent home after couple of years abroad. My three years hardwork and perseverance were paid off with first class degree; I’ve done my parents proud and myself, satisfaction. Maybe that is why I feel more comfortable taking care my eldest alone, rather than having a stranger helping me at home.

For me, it is rather difficult to justify what I really need and want from people I am close to. It is more difficult if that person just could not understand your action and take things for granted. I hate being there but that’s part of life. I have to live with it.

Schedule...

I came back from Kuantan last night, exhausted.. after 4 days travelling to JB and Kuantan plus working at sites, my level of energy has dropped down to almost half. It was interesting to meet new people esp those experienced maintenance team or 'geng' who have been working years for TNB.

Nevertheless, one thing about this company that I don't really like is the HR people. Given full authority and flexibility by the management, they tend to arrange their program as they fancied. It is us, that has to reschedule meetings, planned programs etc to suit their needs. Their notice only came at the eleventh hour. Very unreasonable people, isn't it? And it was more difficult when my scheduled program effect other people from other dept who have given commitment to attend and support.

I have to leave Nabilah with my mom for another week. Or at least another 4-days. Will bring her back to KL on Friday, go to Family Day on Saturday and send my mom back on Sunday. Without my husband at home, it is a bit difficult for me to move around but, everything is possible.

Sidenote: We are definitely going in August. My hubby got the approval last Monday. I was very excited to write 'the letter' but have to wait for other documents to come in first. Lambat nyer.. hehehehe..

Travel..

It has been almost 2 weeks since the last post. Work is taking alot of my time. For the past 2 weeks, I've been travelling alot to some places that I don't want to go but I have to. Leaving my toddler with my mom, took couple of flights, work under hot sun surrounded by thick bushes (luckily I meet no snakes whatsoever), car-pool on long journey with winding roads and today, I just finished my slides presentation for tomorrow's colloquium *sigh*

At 6-months plus pregnant, I feel a bit tired doing outstation work.. but I do love to travel to places I've never been to. In fact, during my university time, I did save some money to travel to but at the end, used all of them for my wedding.. hehehe.. I always want to visit Kyoto in Japan and skiing in Switzerland. My so-called dream vacations.. haha. I have pretty hectic schedule next week and week after next. 4-days out of office plus several site works to do. I'll be leaving my Nabilah with her grandparents in Muar again, for almost one and a half week. Hope she will not get homesick by the time we pick her up again.

Btw, I went for checkup yesterday and my gynae said everything is fine with me. The baby is in correct position, with reasonable weight, and looks like having all the necessary features. Phew! What a relieve.. the only thing is that I have to keep watch on my weight gain.. 4 kilos in 4 weeks are too much.. but I think the nurse mistakenly 'timbang' myself lah.. hehehe.. I do need to eat more, if not, won't have energy to do work.

Next week I will turn into my 28-week pregnancy i.e. 7 months already. I just hope that the airline still allow me to travel in their flight.. hehehe...

CNY Hols..

5-days holidays and I already wanted to holiday'ing' forever.. hehehe.. Well, this time Nabilah had a great time with her grandparents at Muar. We went back on Wednesday evening, after my husband braved Puduraya to buy his return ticket for Sunday nite. Journey back home to Muar was never tiring, at least for me because I'm not driving :) A minute we stepped out from the car, Nabilah was taken away by my dad to see her 'ayam' at backyard. Then, the 5-days full of animal experiences of ayam, monyet, biawak and the rest (for my daughter-lah..) began.

Each morning, she woke up and shouted 'Ayaaa' as she cannot close her mouth yet to say ayam.. hehe.. then, morning walk with Atuk Ayah, followed by breakfast of many many things such as 'cekodok pisang', biscuits, banana, etc.. then, showering plants with Atuk Mak. I just watched her from far, occasionally picking her up but most of the time taking rest for myself while my hubby sleeping in the room. At one year old, Nabilah can actually utterred recongnizable one-syallable words such as 'lori', 'bas', 'nak' etc and few two-syllables words such as 'baby' and 'phoebe'. Well, Phoebe is a character in a story book that I often read to her. At times, she also understood what we say or ask her to do. She automatically shake her head when she dislikes things that we give her, and nod with smile when she wants something from us. I can write forever about her accomplishments at 1-year old.. kids are amazing :)

We managed to dress her up in a Chinese apparel bought by my husband on his trip to Canada last year. Nabilah was excited and actually screamed when I wanted to take it off her after the photo session. She looks like a Chinese baby and nothing like us, at first glance :)

The only thing that made us crazy a bit was the weather. It was too hot to handle. For a toddler like my daughter who can't stand hot weather.. it was a pain to put her down to sleep each nite. She could not sleep on day 2 because it was too hot, and maybe something bothered her too much that she kept on crying and creaming until half past 10 at nite ( it is unusual because she always never fail to sleep by 8 pm). But we managed to handle her at last with lots of 'kipas-ing' and my dad's doa.

Other than that, I enjoyed every bit of this year CNY holidays.

Sidenote: My hubby left his handset last nite. I hope Nabilah won't miss him so much like last time. He definitely has limited access to phone at this moment :o(

Fever..

For the past few days, I could not write much as I like. Busy days, emergency leaves and now, it's already Friday. Gosh, never felt so tighten up like this before.



I took 2 days emergency leaves to care for Nabilah. She was down with high fever on Tuesday nite. Gave her the usual medicine (orange colored) but not effective at all. She kept screaming and crying in the middle of the nite. Cooled her down with wet towel, and eventually she fall asleep at around 4.30 a.m. The next day, doc gave the quite strong paracetamol (rectal use only.. and it was labelled poison, scared me like hell..). After 2 doses, fever still high but she slept as normal. What's wrong? I resumed to the old medicine that evening (taken like 2 weeks before.. but I kept them in the fridge). Luckily, her fever went down quite fast, she slept with occasional turned and flipped. Could not described how relieved I am that nite. The next morning, my husband came back. Nabilah still got some fever. I had to take another day leave and fed her with those medicines as usual. In the evening, our Nabilah became the normal energetic toddler again. Fuhh! Lega and syukur.. What I am most afraid of is she went down with fever and fits.. and worst, dengue fever.. Ha, if that's happen, I'll have to take a week leave and stay back in kampung.. but I am afraid that it is not a normal fever, as this happen almost every 2 weeks, kept recurring with no valid reason.. Need to check with my mom. But deep inside, I do suspected that she's missing her dad so much that it added to her previous diarrhea due to Milo iced (it's our fault.. ikut sgt kerenah dia.)



After this incident, I will always keep the pink mushy colored paracetamol for fever in the fridge. Never throw them away next time.. hope my toddler is fine in her nursery. Sent her there this morning, and now I can't wait to see her again this evening.

Handbag story..

It's Friday again. The usual 2-hours plus unit meeting finally ended about 11.30 a.m. Sometimes I wonder why the Boss need long meeting just to tell us the same information over and over again. Being polite, most of us just sit there and listen. This time I got less questions compared to last month meeting, maybe because he is tired of blunt anwers from me.. hehe..



Yesterday, I walked to Nabilah's nursery to pick her up. Her father was late, overslept because it was a very hot afternoon.. headache and what nots. Kesian dia. When I arrived, she was drinking her milk with her fren, we called him 'Mamat'.. baik sangat dieorg tue. When she saw me, automatic she got up and want to go back-lah.. but no car, so, I sat down with her and Mamat. Somehow, I think, all babies and toddlers love mama's handbag to explore. And Mamat, innocently pulled my bag and started to explore. Seen that, Nabilah started her baby talk and expressed herself by crying to me.. and she even tried to get back the bag from Mamat. Wah, tarik menarik punye episode lah masa tue. Nak tergelak pun ada. When her father came, another episode of crying.. mengadu pasal Mamat tarik beg mak lah tue. She was sooo angry with Mamat that time. That's my adorable lovely 1-year old daughter.



Tomorrow will be a challenging day for me. I got an assignment to be the MC for our monthly colloquium. Next month, it is my turn to present anything technically related. Hope everything will be ok for me. Most important thing, I need to be in office earlier than usual.. meaning, no breakfast with my husband-lah. Ala, no roti canai-lah tomorrow *sigh*

The offer..

This year I will try to spend as much time as I can with my family members. My family and I ended up spending 6 days for Raya Haji, some said too much, but I don't care.. Unfortunately for my husband, my mother-in-law did not order any satay for him. I got my 'ayam masak merah' when we went back to Muar on Sunday. Hehe..

After all, I think, and strongly feel that this Raya is the last raya we can spend with our families. He got confirmation on the offer from the univ. Good for me, at least I can raise the kids on my own rather than sending them to different nurseries. And I can breastfeed both of them, insyaallah. My mom did not say anything on this, or rather she did not want to. My mother-in-law was worrying that she can't get to see her grandaughters often. For me, I don't know. Both parents are getting older, I just hope and pray that they will be ok until we get back in 2008.. but I doubt my employer will let me go with unpaid leave for 3-years straight.



I feel like cocooning in my office and starts planning for my next 3-years abroad. Masters? PhD? Erm.. we will see..

Flu bugs..

Last weekend was a very long one.. Nabilah was 'attacked' by flu bugs.. At first she just had a runny nose, clear mucus but difficult for her to breathe on Friday.. late Friday night, she could not sleep.. woke me up at 2.30 a.m. and started screaming and very fussy.. the next morning, we took a trip to GP and they prescribed her with lung medication! Whoaa.. very disturbing for me as she can be worse any days. Maybe asthma or some kind of respiratory disease. Huwaaa! Felt like crying.. husband is away on weekend, so me left alone to care for her.. just imagine 5 bottles of different medicine to so-called inject into her small throat. Even myself could not take it.. but my little girl braved herself and swallowed all medicine.. half an hour later, she slept.. all well and good. At least she can get a good nite rest and play the next morning.



I left her to the care-taker this morning with 3 bottles of medicine.. just to get the phelgm out from her lung.. after reading quite a number of articles from Internet, I'm now not sure to keep on feeding her antibiotics as her condition may not due to bacterial infection.. hope she is ok today and sleep well in her nursery..



Or maybe the symptoms are just to indicate that she's turning one year old? Or maybe it the 'sawan pengantin' thing again? We just came back from a wedding last 2 weeks.. I'm definitely a freaky mommy..

Photos..

I've been thinking on how to upload photos to my blog.. my fren suggested this and this.. Ok, I've tried them and here's the result:

Me and Nabilah at marina habour, KK. She was then 11-months old..

1st week..

It's Friday and I'm having some break after hectic work for almost a week. Haven't got time to blog, read blogs and surf the net. I managed to only post messages to my frens at Fivers zonkboard.. but not more than that. Heh. What a way to start a new year..



Anyway, Nabilah was sick during the weekend.. maybe sbb baru pandai berjalan kot.. I took one day emergency leave on Monday to care for her and by evening, she was well and good.. sempat gi shopping pulak tu. The rest of the week, I spent hours writing on the assignment given by my boss. My immediate boss pulak a bit pushy on his reports and how am I going to mentor our new member. An hour ago, I finished presented the assignment to a bunch of people who are 'konon-nye' trying to make this better for the company. One talkative lad (who tried to show-off most of the time), two tensioned managers and a boss who cannot make his meeting less than an hour.. geez, enough for today. I'm done with work.



This weekend I will ask my hubby to bring us to Atria Shopping Center at PJ. We saw a shop there selling lots of babies gadgets esp the strollers, car seats and baby cots in Dutch Lady 123 hosted by Sofea Jane. We need to buy a big cot for the baby so Nabilah can have the queen bed all to herself. It will be better for me too since my room at kampung is a bit small, too many furnitures inside.. and the baby definitely cannot sleeps with her sister together.. Nabilah will just golek-golek and hempap her little sister.. hehehe..



So for the baby - a new cot only. For myself, nothing special so far.