My dad passed away...

Today is the first working day after Raya celebration. I have not written that much for the past weeks. Many events happened and Ramadhan was over in a blink of an eye. The last entry was on 17th August 2009, ten days before my late father’s birthday. I put on hold my writing about him until today. He passed away on 9th September 2009 at 2:30 am in Sultanah Fatimah Specialist Hospital, Muar.

I was lucky to meet him, while he still can talk, 12 days before the first stroke. My dad looked frail that time but as usual he seldom talks to us unless there is important thing to talk about. I did not call him on his birthday (Thursday 27th Aug) as I am already ‘kelam-kabut’ with my eldest daughter’s fever. I called on Friday but he was sleeping that time. DH and I decided to spend Merdeka leave in KL because the fund was running low. On Saturday 29th Aug, DH brought us to berbuka at SIL in Gombak. My mom called after berbuka and told me my dad could not move since Zohor prayer. We rushed back to Muar and arrived at Hospital about 1 am. Dad was already warded. His right side was paralyzed and he could not talk anymore.

Relatives came the next morning to visit and he was already depressed of not being able to talk at all. I was lucky that DH agreed to break fast in hospital ward with mom until Monday night. We went back to Nilai and was hoping that dad will get better soon. The doctor discharged my dad on Thursday night and he went back home. I was relieved and only depended on my sister and BIL who are staying in Muar. We decided to stay in Nilai during Nuzul Quran weekend leave.

I was told later on that my aunt has arranged for stroke masseuse but the fees were too much. RM300 per one hour session just because the masseuse has to travel to our home in Bukit Gambir and my uncle has to drive from Ayer Keroh to Jementah (return) to pick up and return the masseuse. My mom was furious that the fees were exorbitant but dad shown no response at all. On Tuesday 8th Sept, mom called while I was in Warta and asked us to come home quickly as dad was completely in coma from morning. I grabbed As-Syifa water from a shop, returned home to pack, drove with my kids and arrived home at 4pm. My siblings were already there and I saw dad was in bad condition. I sensed that ‘something’ else is holding him and I wiped him with As-Syifa water.

I tried asking GP to come and check my dad condition but no one was interested to come. Mom was adamant not to bring dad to hospital because she was afraid that he will be warded again and she did not want to stay at hospital anymore. In her opinion, if dad is going to die, let him die at home. But I was afraid, that not anyone at home is a doctor and how on earth we can know that dad is dead? At last, after Iftar, Along managed to convince mom to send dad to hospital again. I called ambulance and when they checked dad has very low blood pressure that he collapsed into coma. After 2 hours in Emergency room, the doctor informed us that he got lung infection, no brain hemorrhage and second stroke return attacked his left side. If he regained conscious, he can only blink his eye. He opened his eye eventually, and I felt he understood what I was saying that time.

At this point, I tried to be positive that my dad is strong and he will live. I stayed with mom and my SIL until 1 am, and decided to bring my kids back home to sleep. DH was on his way to hospital when I left. At 2 am, SIL called and told us that dad was gone. I was stunned, and I did not cry. It was all so sudden, that he was gone just like that. I did not sleep that night, waited for DH and my mom to come home while reciting Yaassin as much as I can.

On funeral day, my eldest woke up early but not her sister. She slept throughout the ordeal, unexpectedly. My late father was clad in white cloth and prayer was done in our home. It was a sad day for us. That was the first time I saw Along cried while hugging dad after years ago he cried when our late dad stroke his back with his black belt. I cried throughout the prayer and I did not go along to the cemetery. It was so sad.

But the saddest part was yet to come. On his funeral day, we were told that he had another wife four years ago. He married her just before I went to USA. That woman came to pay her last respect in a black jubah. Everyone else is wearing white or light colored baju kurung. She was a witch that is all I can say. My mom was devastated. It was too much to chew on the funeral day so I hear it on deft ears. My late father siblings looked happy that my dad is dead, and he left us with a second family. It was unbearable that your own aunts and uncles clapping hands on their brother’s funeral. My late father left a will to a friend and this so-called friend will only let us know what is inside the will after 40 days are over. Allah knows best.

At some point, I was shame at what my late father did to my mom. I do not know whether he was tricked by that woman – who said they got married in Perak with one human witness and one ‘Orang Bunian’ witness, or he was willing to sacrifice his marriage of 40 years to be with his first love because he hated mom so much. Is it religiously legal marriage? My late dad died poor, he left us nothing but problems. My mom worried so much about a small land that my late dad owned that she cursed all of us of being ignorant of her. I do not want that land. Let others have it because I do not know whether my late dad really love us while he is still alive.

This Raya is just the same like other Raya. As far as I could remember, my late father seldom talks to us. After retirement, he spent most of his time working at that women shop, and doing his own stuffs. He never wanted to come over to our place and very busy working as motivator. It was too late for me to ask why he did that. All I can do now is pray for him, hope that Allah will put him in the best place possible.

Today is the 20th day that my late father was taken away from us. I feel indifferent, he already away from us years ago. After 40 days are over, then we will know the truth that he has hidden from us all these years.